Thursday, December 29, 2011

A New Year's Resolution

It's a feeling of desolation that comes to me in winter.  Am I living as Our Sweet God has intended?  I resolve to be chaste for the year 2012.  One should not partake of pleasures of the marriage bed unless both the church and state have approved -- it is not right.  I will also dress more modest.

There are three more days of 2011.  I will reconsider this resolve in the remaining time;.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

It's a French Expression

MALPT

A French acronym used to wish good luck.   Abbreviation for the phrase "Merde A La Puissance Treize!," which literally translates to "Shit to the thirteenth power."  I must admit that the concept is difficult for Anglophones, but who said language should make sense?   

Monday, October 31, 2011

Transi de Rene de Chalon

Something suitably scarey for Halloween.
Transi de Rene de Chalon, cenotaph, reliquary, memorial sculpture by Ligier Richier, 1547. The stone heart, which the death figure of Rene raises in a grand gesture, once contained the actual heart of Rene, at the widow's request.
Happy Halloween!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Ole's Trip to Paris

Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Mankato, MN, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked him something in French (which Ole couldn't understand); so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.

After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.  She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner.....after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.   She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.


--told by a friend

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Bonne Nuit, Irene

I hope my American friends got through the bad weather without the bad things happening.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Quotes About the Irish

"Do you know why the harp is the symbol of Ireland? Because Irish people are always pulling strings."
        - Old joke

 
The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.
        - Sidney Littlewood

 
An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked woman to get to a bottle of stout.
        - Anonymous


"What's the most useless thing on a woman? A drunken Irishman."
        - Rhonda to Jimmy, "The Wire"

Monday, August 1, 2011

Sarkozix


A spoof on M. Sarkozy and Asterix.  They both are short.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sunday, June 26, 2011

French Cartoon XIV

Mooning the Eurostar

While I was still in school, a group of us girls (12 total) had a mischevious mood, and longed for an opportunity to act out wild.

One of us came up with the idea of mooning the Eurostar, the fast train between Paris and London.  So we did.

We gathered within view of the early train, bringing Brits to Paris, and we dropped our daisy dukes.

By the way,some of us, in a whim, wore Alsatian headdress.

It made the local news bulletin.  Apparently, it is not good form to turn the other cheek sometimes.  The local priest was incensed; but looked forward to hearing Confession on Saturday night.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Public Display of Affection, or Cheap Feel?


This over display happened during an awards ceremony in the USA.  Justin Timberlake apparently cupped Mila Kunis' breasts while making an awards anouncement.  I hope this was simply a spontaneous, though awkward, moment of passion, and that he was not doing it to toy with her affections or for other purposes. 

I suggest that he refrain from any commentary on their action: whether she became angry off-stage, the nature of her assets, and so forth.

Or maybe there's no need.  It seems that a U.S. Congressman is now in the limelight for sending pictures of his lower body to various women.

By the way, I love her skirt!




Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Catherinettes

November 25th,  Sainte Catherine's feast day, is sometimes known in France as the day of the Catherinettes. On this day, young women aged 25 who are not yet married have the opportunity to wear an outlandish hat and go looking for a husband!  It's like Sadie Hawkins' Day in the USA, but with funny hats.

This was a day in which traditionally unmarried women over age 25  wear their Catherinette finery, and going on the town to parties or balls, looking for fun and possibly a husband, if they're lucky.  The day of Saint Catherine was an important day for it gave young working women the opportunity to break away from the harsh conditions of the workshop. They would put on their best clothes (and a specially made hat) and attend organised balls and parties, events that were sometimes for some considered their last chance to find a husband!


Becoming 25, and being known as a Catherinette has only ironic implications in today's France, which has a lower marriage rate than most countries; and the average age of first marriages for women has climbed to 28.


But, all in all: one must take an opportunity to wear a pretty hat.  They don't have a Kentucky Derby to attend.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

French Cartoon IX



"How cute it is to give a nickname to your ta-tas.

And what do you call the other one?"

Thursday, May 19, 2011

French Cartoon VIII


He first offers he an aspirin.  When she indicates that she has no headache, he takes it as a come-on for making love.

Very Parisian.  Very sophisticated.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Festival of the Kiss (La Fête du Baiser)

Roquemaure, in the Gard region of south-eastern France, is a picturesque and very intimate village. But once a year it gets more intimate than usual when everyone starts kissing anything and anyone that moves.  For a whole day Roquemaure hosts the world's longest, most passionate, first, and only only kissing festival.

La Fête du Baiser, in honour of the patron saint of all lovers, is held on the Saturday after St Valentine's Day. Everyone dresses up in period costume and the wine and the embraces flow all day long.

By the end of it, the participants have lost all feeling in their lips and the power of speech. This is for two reasons. They have drunk too much and they have kissed and been kissed too much and their tongues forget how to form the right shape to make coherent sentences.  Some go a little further than the kiss, but who is truly keeping score?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

French Cartoon VI

The Festival of the Kiss (La Fête du Baiser)

Roquemaure, in the Gard region of south-eastern France, is a picturesque and very intimate village. But once a year it gets more intimate than usual when everyone starts kissing anything and anyone that moves.  For a whole day Roquemaure hosts the world's longest, most passionate, first, and only only kissing festival.

La Fête du Baiser, in honour of the patron saint of all lovers, is held on the Saturday after St Valentine's Day. Everyone dresses up in period costume and the wine and the embraces flow all day long.

By the end of it, the participants have lost all feeling in their lips and the power of speech. This is for two reasons. They have drunk too much and they have kissed and been kissed too much and their tongues forget how to form the right shape to make coherent sentences.  Some go a little further than the kiss, but who is truly keeping score?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

American-Sized Boobs

Years ago, I attended university in the USA, and I immediately noticed the scale of things was different.  There was, in some restaurants, unlimited refills of beverages.  Coffee sizes were "tall," "grande," and "venti"!  And the girls of America were better endowed than me.  And not adverse to showing their assets.  Very visibly.

Anyway, I was distressed at my inconspicuousness, being immature at the time and not worldly like I am now.  So I prayed to the Boob Fairy for help in the boob department.  I asked for American-sized boobs.  I was a virtuous girl, and deserved it.  I also prayed to Saint Agatha, who specialized in matters regarding the contents of soutien-gorges.

And,  since I was reasonably virtuous, she came to me in a dream and granted me my wish:  American-sized boobies!

That was the story I told my niece upon returning to France when she noticed that I had become more fuller than when she saw me last.  She apparently believed it; and it spared both her parents and I one awkward moment!









Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Pénis of Victor Noir

It is a girl thing, to rub the enlarged bulge on the trousers of the monument to Victor Noir, a journaliste buried at Pere LaChaise Cemetery in Paris. 

This is a life-size bronze statue to mark his grave, portraying him as he fell, and dropping his hat which is depicted beside him. The sculpture has a very noticeable erection in M. Noir's trousers.  It is one of the most popular memorials for women to visit in Pere LaChaise.  The story behind it says that placing a flower in the upturned top hat after kissing the statue on the lips and rubbing its genital area will help one to be fertile, to have a blissful sex life, or, to get a husband.  The peculiar male part of the bronze statue is rather shiny and well-worn.

While I am content; I still rub M. Noir's thing to keep my good fortune going.  One must always take precautions.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Three Musketeers

One of my favorite stories from childhood was Alexandre Dumas's The Three Musketeers.  When I was a teen I had a fantasy of being made love to by two of the main characters.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Sir Cloudesley Shovell Memorial


"Maude, where have you hid my pants?"

Sir Cloudesley Shovell


This remarkable man was an Admiral of the English fleet, who died in a shipwreck.  He had an interesting family name.  The English honoured him with burial at Westminister Abbey (where I learned about him) and a sculpture of exceeding bad taste.







Sunday, March 27, 2011

French Cartoon I



Ho la la! these men who follow me in the street I never do not know how Embarassing it is.
Is it the same when you are turned down abruptly?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Nice Prada Lingerie


I think that the laciness make me feel and look ultrafeminine.

Lingerie has absolutely no point
unless it increases your self-esteem and makes you feel good.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Bean Throwing as a Mischief

Maybe I should not tell this, but perhaps the police judiciary is no longer actively interested in the case.
 
When I was a teenager, I would visit an aunt and cousin who lived in an apartment in Paris.  One night, we were bored.  We looked out across the street.  On the ground (RC) floor was a strip-tease club, and we watched, fascinated, by the comings and goings of people.  While occasionally a dancer would appear in costume, we were most struck by the enormous man who served as the doorman or bouncer.  He clearly looked rough: not someone to be trifled with.  We nicknamed him M. Gorilla, not having learned the niceties of political correct speech.  The whole idea of this type of club was novel: I had never encountered anything like this in the provinces!
 
Earlier, we had discovered that some beans had turned bad and would have to be discarded.  However, we tossed one out the window in the direction of the bouncer.  After a few failures, we managed to plonk the guy on his shoulder.  He gave an air of injured dignity, and went inside.  He came out, and looked overhead.  Maybe it was an accident, or?
 
We tossed another bean on the sidewalk, and he came out and scanned the apartments above.  Although we were careful to assure that he was not looking, we soon figured that if we didn't toss directly, but instrad threw them against the facade of the building of the strip-tease club, the man would think that they were coming directly overhead.  Soon, he and two of the dancers were looking for the bean-thrower.
 
We amused ourselves in harassing the big guy for much of the evening, but stopped when the police came and lingered.  The next day our Turkish pizza guy from downstairs told us that he thought that we were the culprits, and that he enjoyed the spectacle. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Clearing the Clutter from My Mind

I really believe that our minds are like closets, with lots of good things within, but also a lot of clutter.  Does discovering the clutter make it less messy, or does it lead to more clutter?  This is something for psycho-analysts and deconstructionist critics to ponder, but mostly to pontificate on!  Anyway, a trip into the mind can be a trip sometime, and here are some of the questions that I have found:
 
1.  What happens if we become bored with the beatific vision?
2.  Do you get a higher place in heaven if you have an orderly sock drawer?
3.  What happens when we reach the end of the internet?
4.  Does the Pope wear boxers or briefs?
5.  Why do we drive on the right of the road, and the British on the left?
6.  If geese is the plural of goose, then why isn't meese the plural of moose?
7.  What I have experienced of adult life suggests that it is unplanned; does anyone really know what is going on?
8.  Why are sports figures, actors, and models expected to comment on issues or things in general, and people express surprise (or pleasure) when they say something strange?
9.  Why do some people sprinkle salt in their beer?
10.  If the speed of light is 30,000,000 meters/second, what is the speed of smell?
11.  Why are men content with fewer shoes than they really need?
12.  What if Elvis really wasn't dead?
13.  Does heaven have a dress code?
14.  If I were to travel backwards at the speed of light, would that affect the size of my butt?
15.  Is there a rule that governmental functionaires must be sour?
16.  In what circle of Hell will the person who developed artificial turf be assigned?
17.  Do hunters of foxes actually eat the fox?
18.  Would I make a good meter maid?
19.  Will I ever see the green flash at sunset?
20.  Why is it forbidden to kiss on trains?
21.  Can one eat Coquilles St.-Jacques during Lent?
22.  How old may a Twinkie be and still be edible?
23.  I heard that gentlement prefer blonds, but do blonds prefer gentlemen?
24.  How is a barrel of monkeys fun?
25.  Is the story about the little boys peeping suitable for the internet?
26.  Why do pirates say nonsense as "Shiver me timbers"?
27.  Is there a rule that politicians must lie sincerely?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

On the Politics of Being Topfree or Going Topless

I suppose this to be a topic that might be of interest. 

As I mentioned earlier, my boyfriend is American; and we visit each other in our localities, his in Texas and mine in Picardie.  The customs are different in those places, and it occasionally leads to misunderstandings.

Anyway, he lives in the country; and while he works at his university position, I roam around the surroundings.  It happened one day that I saw an inviting pond, and being a warm day, I dressed for a swim.  In my French manner -- wearing the bottom only!  I had no idea this was outré!

Anyway, two elders on a fish trip happened along, and I came back on land, dressed in my jacket, and conversed.  They seemed friendly, and stayed for a time chatting.  It was a most pleasant time, and they were patient with my imperfect English pronunciation.  Indeed, I had made two new Texan friends!  And they were.

As they were about to leave, one said to me, "Miss Frannie, the girls in these parts usually wear a top also."

Then it dawned on me: oh-oh!  I goofed!

I asked Tom a general question about women and swimwear, and he confirmed the gentleman's statement.  And I turned a shade of red all over!

It's interesting: I felt no shame until I was made aware that I had transgressed a cultural norm.  And, since my guy was American, I tended to go comme un Américain in the future.

I asked my curé about this in the Confessional, and he was totally sympathetic: no sin.

It is funny: even the language that is used regarding wearing only the bottom of the swimsuit,: topless versus topfree is fraught with meaning:  Topless has the implication of something not there: a bad thing that should be corrected.  Topfree suggests a desirable state: one is not encumbered with a nonessential.  Sometimes the burdens of culture do encumber us, but it does not mean that we should always resist them.

I should add that my new friends did not tell on me.  Texans know how to be gentlemen, you must know!